Capability Maturity Model integrated (CMMi) Level 1:
Rules of Project Management


If you insist on playing the game at CMMi Level 1; 'just for fun,' here are some rules you should get to know!

1. It takes one woman nine months to have a baby. It cannot be done in one month by impregnating nine women.
Or as Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., in The Mythical Man Month (Chapter 1. Page 17.) said: 
The bearing of a child takes nine months, no matter how many women are assigned.

You have to change your evil ways

"Insanity: I.e. doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

2. Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.

3. You can con a sucker into committing to an impossible deadline, but you cannot con him into meeting it.

4. At the heart of every large project is a small project trying to get out.

5. The more desperate the situation the more optimistic the situatee.

6. A problem shared is a buck passed.



7. A change freeze is like the abominable snowman: it is a myth and would anyway melt when heat is applied.

8. A user will tell you anything you ask about, but nothing more.

9. Of several possible interpretations of a communication, the least convenient is the correct one.

10. What you don't know can hurt you.
I.e. The Dunning-Kruger effect
11. There's never enough time (or money) to do it right first time but there's always enough time (and money) to go back and do it again.

12. The bitterness of poor quality lasts long after the sweetness of making a date is forgotten.

13. I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.



14. What is not on paper has not been said.

15. A little risk management saves a lot of fan cleaning.



16. If you can keep your head while all about you are losing theirs, you haven't understood the plan.

17. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.



18. Feather and down are padding, changes and contingencies will be real events.

19. There are no good project managers - only lucky ones.

20. The more you plan the luckier you get.



21. A project is one small step for the project sponsor, one giant leap for the project manager.

22. Good project management is not so much knowing what to do and when, as knowing what excuses to give and when.

23. If everything is going exactly to plan, something somewhere is going massively wrong.

24. Everyone asks for a strong project manager - when they get them they don't want them.



25. Overtime is a figment of the naive project manager's imagination.

26. Quantitative project management is for predicting cost and schedule overruns well in advance.

27. The sooner you begin coding the later you finish.

28. Metrics are learned men's excuses.

29. For a project manager overruns are as certain as death and taxes.

30. Some projects finish on time in spite of project management best practices.

31. Fast - cheap - good - you can have any two.



32. There is such a thing as an unrealistic timescale.

33. The project would not have been started if the truth had been told about the cost and timescale.

34. A two year project will take three years, a three year project will never finish.



35. When the weight of the project paperwork equals the weight of the project itself, the project can be considered complete.



36. A badly planned project will take three times longer than expected - a well planned project only twice as long as expected.

37. Warning: dates in a calendar are closer than they appear to be.



38. Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything.

39. There is no such thing as scope creep, only scope gallop.



40. A project gets a year late one day at a time.



41. If you're 6 months late on a milestone due next week but really believe you can make it, you're a project manager.

42. No project has ever finished on time, within budget, to requirement - yours won't be the first to.

43. Activity is not achievement.



44. Managing IT people at CMMi Level 1 is like herding cats.



45. If you don't know how to do a task, start it, then ten people who know less than you will tell you how to do it.

46. If you don't plan, it doesn't work. If you do plan, it doesn't work either. Why plan!

47. The person who says it will take the longest and cost the most is the only one with a clue how to do the job.

48. The sooner you get behind schedule, the more time you have to make it up.

49. The nice thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression.

50. Good control reveals problems early - which only means you'll have longer to worry about them.

51. Murphy's Law of shortcuts: The problems associated with a shortcut are inversely proportional to the shortness of the cut.



52. Murphy's Law of advice about arguing with idiots:
-- Never argue with an idiot.
-- They will drag you down to their level and beat you up with facts!

53. Adding more people to a software project makes it finish quicker! 
Actually NO!  This is false!
If fact Brooks's Law states: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

54.  Remember why you planned!

55. The SSDD formula!


gumption

Pronunciation: (gump'shun), 
n. Informal. 
1. initiative; aggressiveness; resourcefulness: With his gumption he'll make a success of himself. 
2. courage; spunk; guts: It takes gumption to quit a high-paying job. 
3. common sense; shrewdness.

56 This one is self explanatory.

Hover your mouse cursor over the image if you do not get it.

57. And my all time CMMi Level 1 best!

    

The image above goes hand in hand with the concept of the CMMi L1 quest for a HERO and the stupidity of the Hospital Pass:



Under the buss

58. And when you start to feel really uneasy; per the advice from Kenny Rogers.

59. And finally when you are just about to lose your mind; and running away is not a viable option for now.




c.f.  #55 above.  If you are in Information Technology provision then, between 55 and 58 you will immediately see the problem. 
I.e. by not making the break and running away you have created a never ending loop that operates and glorifies the acceptance of heroics at CMMi Level 1.
PMWay suggests much of the solution to solving the above problems is found here.